Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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