Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
