i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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