why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
