I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
