remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
