I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How external is "for external use only"?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
