i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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