The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
