Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
