I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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