If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
