Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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