Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
