great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
