Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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