If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize