I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
