I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
