I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
