we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
