if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
