normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
