His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize