Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize