as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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