I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
