he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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