There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
