and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
