can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
