in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
