I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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