I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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