i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
