She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
