Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
