Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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