I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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