found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
