I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
