she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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