I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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