i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
