guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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