i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
is that a dick in a sweater?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
