Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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