He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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