hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize