In the future we'll all be gay
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
