so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Randomize
