woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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