Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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