the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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