Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
