she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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