She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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