you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
