Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
