I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
