dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize