they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
