I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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